For Women Only

I bet that got your attention! Sorry to disappoint, but this entry can be read by women and men. In fact, I would like to HEAR from women AND men on this one too.

During this trip I was finally able to read “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn. Glenn received a copy of this book when he was on the road and the author was speaking at the same church where he was playing. He listened to her speaking and was quite excited for me to read the book. It took me a long time to get around to it. Sorry about that Glenn, and thanks for not bugging me to read it! The basic premise of the book: the author did a national survey and personal interviews which included over 1,000 men and the topic? “The truth about his inner life he desperately wants you to know.”

To be honest, I found some of the “truths” difficult to take, although I wasn’t too surprised. I’ve decided to share one of her surprising results; at least, it was surprising to me perhaps because I am a woman. Here is the question and its responses (from MEN):

Think about what these two negative experiences would be like: to feel alone and unloved in the world OR to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone. If you were forced to choose one, which would you prefer? Would you rather feel…” (Choose one answer)

Alone and Unloved 73.8%
Inadequate and Disrespected 26.3%

For fun, leave a comment when you’re done reading this and answer this question. Be sure that your sex is clear. Let’s see if we get the same survey results, i.e., men prefer respect over love; women prefer to be loved over respected. Also, remember that this is a generalization and you’ll have to ask your man if it truly does apply to him.

The application? If a man feels disrespected, he’s also going to feel unloved. A woman’s love is not enough. And you can’t just say you respect him. You’ve got to demonstrate it. Find ways to communicate/demonstrate that you respect his judgement and abilities, respect him in your communication, respect him in public, and respect him in your assumptions. So, always assume the best of him, support him, never publicly humiliate him, apologize for disrespecting him when you slip up and do so. Don’t tear him down with your words to anyone. Build him up. Believe in him and encourage him. After all, behind every good man is a great woman!

It’s interesting that in the Bible, husbands are commanded to love their wives, but wives are commanded to respect their husbands. Maybe I shouldn’t have been as surprised about those survey results as I was!

Now that I am a mother, I couldn’t help but wonder if eventually I will need to make sure when my son is older that he knows I respect him as much as I love him… that in order to feel loved by me, I will need to show him that I respect him in these areas… Does all of this apply to parent-child relationships or just to spousal relationships? What do you think guys? I’d love to hear what you have to say about that, so give it some thought and leave me a comment.

Finally, to read all the results of the survey, go to www.4-womenonly.com and become a member (you’ll have to give them your real name and some contact information).