Giving and Taking

In the last month or so I have been thinking a bit about give and take. What are the benefits of the many forms of giving to others (family, friends, strangers). What are the benefits of receiving? If you don't ever give of yourself, your time, your talents, your money, and so on, are you as healthy as someone who does? And at what point can giving become harmful? I don't have any answers to offer on this topic - just some food for thought for you. How and to whom are you giving? Who is giving to you in a positive way?

I found an interesting quiz for those of you who have significant others. Of course, Glenn and I each took the quiz. Our results weren't surprising. We did find out that Glenn is slightly more (a 10% difference) of a 'giver/sharer' than I am and decided, therefore, that he obviously is better than me! We figured it somehow balanced out in the end though, since he is on the road so much... don't I get bonus points for 'allowing' my spouse to be in his line of work!?

Here are my complete results:

About Generosity

Give and take is part of any relationship. The unspoken agreement to lean on your lover in exchange for your support at another time is part of what makes being in a relationship desirable over being alone.

As a lover, you are expected to give to fulfill your partner's needs and wishes. In return you should ideally experience what it is like to be given to. Your score and the results of this test refer to the role you fulfill in your current relationship. This is not a trait that you necessarily exhibit throughout life, but rather a style or role you have adopted for your present situation. Despite the fact most of us follow a general trend throughout our lifetime, the interaction with our partner can significantly influence our position--we may be reacting to or leading our partner's behavior. In fact, your style can be seen as a cocktail that gets shaken and stirred whenever you begin a new relationship or even when the dynamics of your current relationship change significantly. The essence may remain the same, but the added ingredients, flavors and garnishes change its taste.

In general terms, the healthiest alternative is to reach a certain balance between giving and taking. Couples who strike a balance are more likely to go with the flow, taking a little when they feel the need and giving when they feel they have something to offer their partner. Such a relationship is a healthy one -- both partners are comfortable with themselves, are able to identify their own needs and desires and can act on these feelings with the understanding that their partner will recognize their need and fulfill it. A couple that balances the giving and taking are two people working together to make a stronger whole.

However, love does not necessarily require the give-take division to be perfectly equal, nor does it specify what works and what doesn't. Every couple is different and what works for one may throw another pair off balance. What is most important is that the distribution satisfies both partners. Keep this in mind as you check out your score...

Results of the Giver/Taker Test

Your score = 55

What does your score mean?

You typify a mélange of give and take in your relationship. You do not give indiscriminately nor do you make unwarranted demands of your partner. Your position may be referred to as that of the sharer. You are more likely to go with the flow using this style, giving when you feel you have something to offer, and taking when you see that your partner is in a position to offer you something of value. You seem to be comfortable with yourself and are able recognize your own needs and desires as well as those of your partner.

If your partner is also a sharer, your relationship is likely to be a healthy one, at least from this point of view.