Shadows

I am a pretty sensitive person and can deeply sympathize with people. I feel their feelings. I cry easily.

Today I felt heaviness over me. It’s the burden of how things aren’t. Of how weak and dark we are. We hurt each other. We hurt ourselves. We can’t help ourselves. And how we long for something more. That desire to be able to trust and know, really know, that trust won’t be broken.

It’s just not here. We can’t. We want to, but we can’t. We hurt. We find it hard to forgive. To let go. We fail again and again.

We feel things and don’t let ourselves really feel it. We cram it down. And pile something on top.

It doesn’t feel right, because it was never meant to be. We’re not made for this place. We’re made for that better place. That perfect place. I pray we will see each other there one day.

I met a counselor earlier this year who bases his counseling on the premise that we feel 8 specific feelings [angry, sad, hurt, glad, fear, lonely, guilt, shame]. When we don’t allow ourselves to feel those things, we end up with an impairment. If we allow ourselves to feel and work through it, we can end up with a ‘gift.’ If you’re interested in knowing more about that, I could probably share the bit I know. I have found it pretty helpful.

But this counselor believes that in the end, we have those feelings to bring us to God. To realize our weakness and our utter dependence on Him. I’m feeling that today. For me and for you.

If you’re thinking that I wrote this blog with you in mind, I probably didn’t. And yet, you’re right. It’s for all of us.